I’ve been swimming a lot recently
For the last few months, already, I’ve gone at least once every week
I’m starting to build up to twice a week

I’ve tried to start this habit before
Actually I’ve tried to start quite a few habits
Usually, it would go well for a few weeks
But then I’d start feeling worse, more than was usual for back then
I wouldn’t be able to keep going
It would turn into an obstacle
Didn’t matter if I had a group I was doing it with
Or if I was just doing it myself
It would just become too much

But that doesn’t seem to be happening anymore
Things are different now
I mean, there are still days where I don’t really feel like it
But that is very different from the huge hurdle that it used to feel like
I can push through it
Or just accept that it’s not going to happen that day
Without giving up, just picking it back up another day

It’s amazing to experience, all the differences with before
How I don’t have trouble focussing anymore, even when I’m sleepy
How I don’t mind missing out on some gaming with friends, if I have something else to do
How I don’t feel lonely all the time, or bored
How I actually like exercise, and can keep doing it long enough to see the improvement
How I don’t need to keep my brain distracted anymore, while walking, cycling, playing games
How I can have a bad day, and I can just let it be, knowing it will be better in a couple of days, if not the next day already

If you’d told me two years ago, I don’t think I’d have believed you
Well maybe not that I wouldn’t believe it, but I wouldn’t feel confident it would actually be that way

There are just so many differences compared to how I used to feel
Compared to what I was used to, day in, day out
And it lasts, too
Not just for a few days, or maybe a week
It’s been like this for a long time, even still improving
Or maybe I’m just more aware of it
To be honest, I don’t really care which of the two it is

Things are different
And it’s amazing.